The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
