Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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