the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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