R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
