you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
