ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
