i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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