i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm both gender and math confused
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
