You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
