Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
