i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
