I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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