I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
