Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
