I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He? As in you personified your dick?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
