do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
