he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I look better un-naked...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
