i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't deserve a penis
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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