So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize