why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
