walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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