She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
