my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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