I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
