the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
