Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wish there were birth control emojis
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
