sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
