I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
