and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
