It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she told me i tasted like america
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
