If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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