It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
