my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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