So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dicks are not precious.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
