I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
