Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
