Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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