her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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