Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
