a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
