Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
