Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
