You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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