Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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