Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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