The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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