he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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