TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
