Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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