I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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