1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
