so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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