He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
