I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
