dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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