Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
