He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
