I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
