bring money and cleavage
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
