fuck your aforementioned shoe
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize