1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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