im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
