you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
