If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
