you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
