The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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