you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
