What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize