Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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