I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hippo gnu deer
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
