Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
one might say we're banned from that church
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
