You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
