I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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