he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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