guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
