Too much gin, very little bucket
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
