i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
