At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My feet surprised me
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