So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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