make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
