The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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