you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
