the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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