I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We named our party play list daddy issues
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
