Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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